At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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