hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
