i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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