Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
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It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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