Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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