WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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