Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
