Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
