Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
