i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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