Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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