Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Define "chronic" masturbator.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
