I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
