Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
