i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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