i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
