Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
