Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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