I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
