his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize