FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
