After last night, I could never be a politician.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize