A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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