Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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