Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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