guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
