Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize