she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
