Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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