I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I party with great urgency now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
