Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
