: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize