He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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