16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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