I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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