it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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