Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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