forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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