i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
