hotel room ftw
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
