just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
