he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
