I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
