You can't motorboat a personality
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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