How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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