i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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