there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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