It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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