Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
