So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
