I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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