Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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