Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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