The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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