i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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