Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
