I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
